A little story called life..

Speaking To My Soul

I have a very strong intuition, no doubt about it. Few who know me well enough to have witnessed it can attest that in some weird way I have an unnatural ability to sense things around me, or even about myself. I knew when something was wrong when I was pregnant, and I have on many occasions been able to sense good or bad “energy” around me when it comes to friends and family. Sometimes I acknowledge it and then sometimes, foolishly, I ignore it.

The day we went in for our embryo transfer, I knew one of the “twin” embryos wasn’t going to make it; I didn’t feel confident about both the embryos, especially the one that was not as far along in division/maturation. I think this hypersensitivity I’ve developed helps protect me when things go wrong because I am such a sensitive person at heart. I love with all I’ve got, but I also hurt with all I am; it’s gotten easier as I’ve grown older to accept hurt and disappointment, but it has luckily provided me a strong sense of trust and hope within myself as well.

I connected with Liam early on, but probably strongest when we found out what he was. Of course, I felt he was a boy after we lost his twin in August. I felt it to the core of my soul and only days after learning (officially) his sex, Jake and I found his name. After that, our souls were inseparable. I dream about him almost every single night, and when I’m in his room cleaning or organizing, I can feel my connection to him strongest. I realized I had a hunch around the time that we named him that he would come the last week in March – when I think about him being born, March sounds right to me. It might sound crazy, but it’s just what I feel.

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After thinking about it, I realized that the March birthstone is aquamarine – my favorite gemstone. I have multiple pieces of jewelry that Jake has gotten me over the years with aquamarine in them: a ring from our very first Valentine’s day together, another ring he got me for our wedding day, and even my high school ring is aquamarine. I’ve never liked my own birthstone (garnet) so I adopted this one instead. Now, it makes even more sense. With my crazy intuition, it doesn’t surprise me that I’ve been obsessed with a precious stone most of my life that could now potentially be my miracle baby’s birthstone. Who knows, I’m not claiming to be psychic or clairvoyant,  I just know what I feel. If I’m wrong it’s not like I’ll care, I still get my sweet baby whether I’ve put bets on his due date/arrival date or not! I’m only saying…mark my words. 🙂

So to add to all of that, I told Jake earlier this week that I felt like Kristen was going to be dilated at our next appointment.  Low and behold, we are around 2 cm dilated and 50% effaced as of Friday! I am very aware that this doesn’t give any promises as to when Liam may be born. However, I’ve felt such a strong sense of urgency the past few days since I’ve been organizing and readying his nursery. It seems like every time I do a little more to prepare, I feel a little closer to him. Mother’s intuition perhaps?

I apologize in advance if there aren’t many more posts before Liam is born. I have a few writings in progress, but days seem so short lately and I find myself using all of my time to breast pump or clean our house! I can only assume that my body and mind are already preparing for our new journey into parenthood.

Come on, Liam. Mommy and Daddy are ready for you!

Hugs – and hopes to post happy news very soon!

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