I came across this picture and I thought of the many friends I know of that are struggling right now; whether it’s simple “wants” or heartbreaking losses. I remember one of the best pieces of advice I received when grieving Robert’s death was “some days you just have to focus on breathing”. It’s so very true. And some days, it’s all you can do – breathing is a lot harder than it seems when every inhale and exhale hurts.
Even so close to what I’ve been waiting on (for what seems like) my whole life, I occasionally find myself only able to focus on one small thing at a time. Reality hits at the most unexpected times and I find myself going through those motions all over again. It doesn’t last long, and it’s nothing compared to what it use to be – thank God. Every day I’m thankful that I don’t have that pain all day every day anymore. The memory is there, but the pain subsided and the hole in my heart isn’t as big as it use to be.
There is another hole in my heart that I’m reminded of every day when I see his picture in my bathroom, he passed away 12 years ago tomorrow (3/3/2001) and he was my soul mate; my grandpa, “Papaw”, who my precious Robert William is named after. Some days I’m so mad that I’ve lost them both that I just want to scream! But then I remember that they are together, and it helps. It still isn’t fair, but I know they are both safe and happy, and they have each other.
I’m also reminded of a very sweet boy who passed away tragically the day before my Papaw. I’ll never forget that weekend when our whole town just stopped, and so did my world. Our parents became friends through grief, and I know my Mom sometimes still stops by Ryan’s grave when she visits Papaw to say hello. I think of his family all the time, and I wonder why “bad things happen to good people”. I stop and honor these sweet people every year the first few days in March (but often times, lots more than that).
You never stop missing loved ones..not months or years or even decades after they’re gone. So some days, even a year and half or ten and a half years after you lose someone – it’s okay to just breathe, because breathing will keep you alive when you feel like nothing else can.
This one’s dedicated you, Papaw.
Robert Montgomery Moore
09/07/1935 – 03/03/01
Lots of love,