A little story called life.. · The little things

Reality Check

Let’s get one thing straight – I did not have a miscarriage. Nothing about what happened to me was in any way a miscarriage of my baby boy; I’m the one that died, and he died outside of my womb because my body failed. I know it sounds harsh, but it’s the truth, and it needs to be said because it truly bothers me when people refer to my “miscarriage”. My son was taken via c-section where he did not survive, and that’s the raw reality of what happened. I appreciate the sensitivity of some people to refer to my tragedy as a term more acceptable to most, but I want it to be very clear through all of my efforts to educate about infertility that there is a very defined line between neonatal death and a miscarriage.

I’m not mad, I’m just setting the record straight. I do not view someone who has experienced a miscarriage any less traumatic or devastating (as I’ve written in several blog entries), it just simply isn’t accurate. It’s a sensitivity I’ve developed over the past year and I’m sure no one except Jake even knows how I feel about it. I thought there might be some other mothers out there who feel the same way but aren’t sure what to say (or if they should say anything) when someone uses this incorrect assumption referencing their loss. I’ve thought about it for a while and how to handle it, and I think the best way is to politely say “I appreciate your sensitivity, but I didn’t have a miscarriage. I lost my son after he was delivered.” If anyone is offended by this, well, who cares. I’d rather have a clear mind than be hurt by someone else’s false assumptions/attempt to make themselves feel better by generalizing or “fluffing” my loss.

Have passion, stand up for what is important to you even if it’s as simple as redefining someone else’s assumption of a piece of your own life story.



7 thoughts on “Reality Check

  1. I am so sorry for the loss of your son. I cannot imagine your pain. I have been following uour blog with prayers and joy. God bless you.

  2. Happened to me loads. People assume something was wrong with my two twins and I get mad if they are called a miscarriage. My waters broke and they came too early to survive in this world. Unfortunately, the m word is the only one people seem to know. Not long now till little liam is here!

  3. You spoke right to my heart here <3. I get very upset when people tell me they are sorry I miscarried, or a lot of people miscarry their first. My twins were not a miscarriage. My waters broke too early, and I delivered my girls via c-section. My Willow lived 16 hours and my Hazel lived 8 days. I'm so sorry you had to go throught the hurt as well. It is no club any mother ever wants to be a part of.

  4. I stumbled upon your blog and have been reading your past posts. I had a uterine rupture at 13 weeks and lost our precious baby boy. This post conveys what I feel everytime someone says “I had a miscarriage too” or “sorry about your miscarriage”. It was NOT a miscarriage! I too, appreciate their kind thoughts and the meaning behind it but I hate getting classified in the category of a miscarriage (not that a miscarriage is any easier/harder). Your post reaffirms that I can tell them “NO, it was not a miscarriage” and that it is ok to do that for my peace of mind. Thank you for writing this blog as it has helped me deal with my loss in a way.

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