Let’s get one thing straight – I did not have a miscarriage. Nothing about what happened to me was in any way a miscarriage of my baby boy; I’m the one that died, and he died outside of my womb because my body failed. I know it sounds harsh, but it’s the truth, and it needs to be said because it truly bothers me when people refer to my “miscarriage”. My son was taken via c-section where he did not survive, and that’s the raw reality of what happened. I appreciate the sensitivity of some people to refer to my tragedy as a term more acceptable to most, but I want it to be very clear through all of my efforts to educate about infertility that there is a very defined line between neonatal death and a miscarriage.
I’m not mad, I’m just setting the record straight. I do not view someone who has experienced a miscarriage any less traumatic or devastating (as I’ve written in several blog entries), it just simply isn’t accurate. It’s a sensitivity I’ve developed over the past year and I’m sure no one except Jake even knows how I feel about it. I thought there might be some other mothers out there who feel the same way but aren’t sure what to say (or if they should say anything) when someone uses this incorrect assumption referencing their loss. I’ve thought about it for a while and how to handle it, and I think the best way is to politely say “I appreciate your sensitivity, but I didn’t have a miscarriage. I lost my son after he was delivered.” If anyone is offended by this, well, who cares. I’d rather have a clear mind than be hurt by someone else’s false assumptions/attempt to make themselves feel better by generalizing or “fluffing” my loss.
Have passion, stand up for what is important to you even if it’s as simple as redefining someone else’s assumption of a piece of your own life story.