Mother’s day is quickly approaching. We women without children living with infertility know that this means “the most awful weekend of the year”. How in the world am I supposed to make it through a weekend dedicated to celebrating being a mommy, when the reason for my existence is not on Earth? I am still a mommy to my angel baby, but I’m not ready to be over resenting this situation just yet.
I was told that healing would happen in many different ways, and take a while to manage. Some days I think about all the exciting things going on right now and I’m so uplifted; then other days, I think about dreaded events like Mother’s Day and my baby’s due date, which happen to fall in the same month. I cannot begin to count how many times I’ve thought or said “why did this have to happen to me?!” The only thing that brings me comfort is my faith, and knowing that I will make it through tomorrow because I made it through yesterday.
I know that a lot of people avoid the subject of babies, children, and being mothers around me for fear of triggering some movie-esque breakdown where I fall to the floor crying inconsolably. Just the opposite is true most of the time; being around babies and children is who I am as a person, I was born to always be around children and love them. That will never change. I love holding babies and imagining my own future little one, and I try to tell myself it’s not that far away for us. I just pray every day that I get the strength I need to make it through each day that it takes to get closer to when a baby is placed in our arms and called “ours”.
I think there should be an Angel’s Day, personally. Everyone has birthdays, Mother’s/Father’s/Grandparent’s days..but there is no day dedicated to the angels we have lost too soon. Mothers of angel babies remember them every day, but it would be nice for our nation to recognize what we have lost and the sacrifices we as infertile women make in order to start families. NIAW is a start, but I think Angel’s Day has a nice ring to it.